But Does It Bring Out the Best in You….?

44 years later and I still remember that moment. The moment she posed the question. Another incredibly simple question, but the kind you know the answer to before all the words are said. The kind of question where the answer is felt in your gut before your mind has finished comprehending.

I was twenty-one and hadn’t finished college yet. I had pursued an art degree for my undergrad, but it wasn’t working out quite like I had hoped. Perhaps it was a case of a little fish in a bigger pond, but I hadn’t found what my creative medium was. I had taken time off from school to ponder which direction I should go and had signed on with a career counselor named Jean.

Jean took a holistic approach with her clients and looked beyond just the obvious skills sets. It was in this act that she asked me a life question. She asked if I was dating anyone. I said I was. And then she asked ‘the’ question. She asked if he brought out the best in me. And I felt my answer in my belly before I replied, and when I did reply, I shook my head slowly side to side while uttering the words, ‘Yes. Yes, he does.’ A contradiction of words and actions if there ever was one. It wasn’t that the gentleman I was dating was a bad person. I just wasn’t my best self when I was with him. I wasn’t my authentic self.

However, the question has stuck with me ever since, and I frequently use it in my advising sessions. Well, not the dating question, but for whatever we might be talking about, I ask the question, ‘does it bring out the best in you?’ Does your work bring out the best in you?  Do your friends bring out the best in you? Do your activities bring out the best in you? Does your community bring out the best in you?

For most people, they know the answer immediately, and they too feel it in their gut. Depending on the answer, it’s the saying it aloud part that is harder to do.

But that’s not the end of the question. Jean went on to ask a few more follow-up questions:

·      If the answer is no, is there something that can be done to make it bring out the best in you?

·      And if there is something that can be done, do you actually want to do it – meaning is this a short-term fix or a long-term solution?

This last question maps to another I have heard, which is if you had the chance to regain something you lost, would you?

Many people spend a lifetime looking for their best self. David Bowie once said, “aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.” Don’t wait a lifetime to become that person. Spend some time stepping back and looking at your life and asking the question … does it bring out the best in me? And if it does, by all means, keep doing it. But if it doesn’t, perhaps a little reflection might be in order.

On a side note, I did find my creative medium. It’s what I do today, which is working with people and organizations to figure out what brings out the best in them and helping them design ways to keep doing it. And it was Jean who pointed me in this direction.

Bring Out Your Best Self